I Let Her Go

 

doll1

I Let Her Go

I always held on tightly to her
She made me believe I could be anything
I always searched for more of her
She made me think that I was everything
No she made me feel lucky
But sometimes a little bit ugly
In holding on to so much of her
Perhaps on day, I could be what she was
Just because
I knew her so well

I never thought I would tell her goodbye
I thought our childish bond was for a lifetime
I knew I was getting too old
To keep tying her to my identity
Declaring it so bold
Refusing my reality
Refusing the world I now lived in
She could no longer be a refuge for me

Still I couldn’t let go
So I delayed my life, so I could hold
Just a bit of joy that I always had
Even in a world diseased and mad
Just a bit of my dreams that I always knew
Even in a world that left me nothing good
I would hold on to her
Until I no longer could

Now I let her go
I had to let her go
I had to walk away
From the past, my childish days
I had to grow
I had to go
I had to let her go

© 2017 C.A. Barnes

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Unordinary Being

Rock Face 2

Unordinary Being

This old life
It could never
It never satisfied
Perfect world
It was something
Something I could never hold

I want to go
I need to go home
Let me be this rare
Unordinary being
Sure I won’t fit in with this world
But at least I’ll have joy being
A simply weird girl

Soon I know
Life will lead me
To some other
Simply weird beings
Who learned in time to say
Good bye
To their old life
That never satisfied
To trying to create a perfect world
Which was something they could never hold

I want to go
I need to go home
Let me be this rare
Unordinary being
Sure I won’t fit in with this world
But at least I’ll have joy being
A simply weird girl

© 2017 C.A. Barnes

Grow

Sketch Sky

Grow

Go on and take a chance, who cares if you fail, who cares if you lose, at least you danced…

Realize you have all that you need, so much more than what your eyes can see, so what are you waiting for, I can see so many open doors…

Over these mountains, tall as can be dreamed, way under the crisp and clear dark blue seas

Across vast valleys, vibrant and healthy in jeweled green, up above the ethereal skies, holding dreams true and wild…

Wait no more, you’ve come so far, and it does show. I think it’s about time that you GROW~~~that you grow~~~go ahead, GROW.

Where I’m Supposed To Be

bird sketch

Where I’m Supposed To Be

I am supposed to be
I was meant to be
No I do believe
That everything is here

I have to hold on
I have to stand tall
Even if I can’t move
I have to stay
I have to prove

That I am supposed to be
I was meant to be
Yes I do believe
That everything is here

I know one day I’ll see
My efforts reward me
When others flew on by
I held on with all my might

Before I wandered high
Before I wandered low
When others called it quits
I told myself oh no

Before I thought I should go
But I couldn’t move, so
I had to just hold on
To prove that I was strong

Soon others said I failed
But I didn’t listen
I would prevail
Soon others said just move
Stop stagnating
Stop being use…
Less
Less

Less.

Oh but no I am not
I am surely blessed
Soon I will move
When my Lord so does choose
To
Move
Me

I am where I’m supposed to be…

©2017 C.A. Barnes

I Will Not Run Away

flowerp

I Will Not Run Away

I’ve watched the sky in all its sorrow

Dressed in their darkest grey

With no signs of tomorrow
I’ve felt their cool drops land on me
They weren’t enough to give me
Any bit of relief

I know I’ve let you down
You’ve watched me drift away
And sink to the ground
I know I’ve lied to you
Said I wouldn’t give up
Yet I did not stay true

It’s like I lost all hope, it’s like I ran away

Years passed like the moon and sun
Eventually I found the courage
To face the world
Knowing there was something to be won
Although doubt sometimes sneaked up on me
I knew soon I would claim victory

I know I’ve let you down
You’ve watched me drift away
And sink to the ground
I know I’ve lied to you
Said I wouldn’t give up
Yet I did not stay true

It’s like I lost all hope, it’s like I ran away

Time will bring us together again
This time around triumph will be the end
I won’t give up
I won’t look the other way
I’m saying this now, today
I will not run away…

I know I’ve let you down
You watched me drift away
And sink to the ground
I know I’ve lied to you
Said I wouldn’t give up
Yet I did not stay true

It’s like I lost all hope, it’s like I ran away

© 2015, 2017 C.A. Barnes

Forget Me

flowerp

Forget Me

If you remember me
I’ll remember you
And the good old days
That we once knew

Days when love was sincere
And I could count
On you to be here

Times when joy was not a lie
And I could feel you near
By my side

But if you say, you don’t remember
That person in me
If you say I was never a friend
But a foe you avoided constantly
If you say, you don’t remember
All those days
That once were true
And the happiness and laughter
That we once knew
If this is now our reality
Then I’ll forget you
Because you chose to forget me

© 2017 C.A. Barnes

Don’t Fall

Vintage Dots

Don’t Fall

Don’t fall for them
Their follies, their lies
Don’t let their trinkets
Hypnotize
I once was victim
I once was prey
It took me years
To escape, get away
They left me beaten
Weak and scarred
For years I was lost
Broken and marred
And now I see
They’re trying again
On those who don’t know
Who can’t defend
Don’t fall, don’t fall
For their schemes
Lest you fall to uncertainty

© 2017 C.A. Barnes

The Light

Sketch Sky

The Light

She can speak
But I don’t listen
She can say
What satisfies her mind
But she wastes
Her time
Cause I don’t listen

She can call
But I don’t come
She can shout
But I am leaving
Without
Her

Try, my little daughter
Try, my little friend
Try with all your might
Make it to the end
Don’t stop when monsters creep
Don’t hide and hope they’ll sleep
Cause you don’t have much time
So go and search for the light

She can scare
But I don’t care
She can fight
To keep me behind
But she fools
Herself
Cause I don’t care

She can lie
But I don’t believe
She can try
To brainwash me
But I’m gone
I’m moving
On

Try, my little daughter
Try, my little friend
Try with all your might
Make it to the end
Don’t stop when monsters creep
Don’t hide and hope they’ll sleep
Cause you don’t have much time
So go and search for the light

I must try
To find my light
I must fight
Day and night
I must leave
My old life behind
Soon I’ll be saying
Goodbye…

©2017 C.A. Barnes

You Think I’m Stupid

flowerp

You Think I’m Stupid

You think I’m stupid, and I don’t mind
There’s no need for you to know
That I’m very much aware
What would I gain
If you found out, I’m not insane
Just give you another way
To keep me locked with a ball and chain

You think I’m dumb, and I am fine
I don’t want you to know
That I’m with a sound mind
What would be the cost
If you realized
Just more chances to flood me
With all your follies and lies

Keep believing, yes please do
Cause I am stronger, when I play the fool
I’ll let you think
That I’m not wise
Cause I am stronger
When I keep you believing lies

©2017 C. A. Barnes