I Let Her Go

 

doll1

I Let Her Go

I always held on tightly to her
She made me believe I could be anything
I always searched for more of her
She made me think that I was everything
No she made me feel lucky
But sometimes a little bit ugly
In holding on to so much of her
Perhaps on day, I could be what she was
Just because
I knew her so well

I never thought I would tell her goodbye
I thought our childish bond was for a lifetime
I knew I was getting too old
To keep tying her to my identity
Declaring it so bold
Refusing my reality
Refusing the world I now lived in
She could no longer be a refuge for me

Still I couldn’t let go
So I delayed my life, so I could hold
Just a bit of joy that I always had
Even in a world diseased and mad
Just a bit of my dreams that I always knew
Even in a world that left me nothing good
I would hold on to her
Until I no longer could

Now I let her go
I had to let her go
I had to walk away
From the past, my childish days
I had to grow
I had to go
I had to let her go

© 2017 C.A. Barnes

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Unordinary Being

Rock Face 2

Unordinary Being

This old life
It could never
It never satisfied
Perfect world
It was something
Something I could never hold

I want to go
I need to go home
Let me be this rare
Unordinary being
Sure I won’t fit in with this world
But at least I’ll have joy being
A simply weird girl

Soon I know
Life will lead me
To some other
Simply weird beings
Who learned in time to say
Good bye
To their old life
That never satisfied
To trying to create a perfect world
Which was something they could never hold

I want to go
I need to go home
Let me be this rare
Unordinary being
Sure I won’t fit in with this world
But at least I’ll have joy being
A simply weird girl

© 2017 C.A. Barnes

Where I’m Supposed To Be

bird sketch

Where I’m Supposed To Be

I am supposed to be
I was meant to be
No I do believe
That everything is here

I have to hold on
I have to stand tall
Even if I can’t move
I have to stay
I have to prove

That I am supposed to be
I was meant to be
Yes I do believe
That everything is here

I know one day I’ll see
My efforts reward me
When others flew on by
I held on with all my might

Before I wandered high
Before I wandered low
When others called it quits
I told myself oh no

Before I thought I should go
But I couldn’t move, so
I had to just hold on
To prove that I was strong

Soon others said I failed
But I didn’t listen
I would prevail
Soon others said just move
Stop stagnating
Stop being use…
Less
Less

Less.

Oh but no I am not
I am surely blessed
Soon I will move
When my Lord so does choose
To
Move
Me

I am where I’m supposed to be…

©2017 C.A. Barnes

I Will Not Run Away

flowerp

I Will Not Run Away

I’ve watched the sky in all its sorrow

Dressed in their darkest grey

With no signs of tomorrow
I’ve felt their cool drops land on me
They weren’t enough to give me
Any bit of relief

I know I’ve let you down
You’ve watched me drift away
And sink to the ground
I know I’ve lied to you
Said I wouldn’t give up
Yet I did not stay true

It’s like I lost all hope, it’s like I ran away

Years passed like the moon and sun
Eventually I found the courage
To face the world
Knowing there was something to be won
Although doubt sometimes sneaked up on me
I knew soon I would claim victory

I know I’ve let you down
You’ve watched me drift away
And sink to the ground
I know I’ve lied to you
Said I wouldn’t give up
Yet I did not stay true

It’s like I lost all hope, it’s like I ran away

Time will bring us together again
This time around triumph will be the end
I won’t give up
I won’t look the other way
I’m saying this now, today
I will not run away…

I know I’ve let you down
You watched me drift away
And sink to the ground
I know I’ve lied to you
Said I wouldn’t give up
Yet I did not stay true

It’s like I lost all hope, it’s like I ran away

© 2015, 2017 C.A. Barnes

The Light

Sketch Sky

The Light

She can speak
But I don’t listen
She can say
What satisfies her mind
But she wastes
Her time
Cause I don’t listen

She can call
But I don’t come
She can shout
But I am leaving
Without
Her

Try, my little daughter
Try, my little friend
Try with all your might
Make it to the end
Don’t stop when monsters creep
Don’t hide and hope they’ll sleep
Cause you don’t have much time
So go and search for the light

She can scare
But I don’t care
She can fight
To keep me behind
But she fools
Herself
Cause I don’t care

She can lie
But I don’t believe
She can try
To brainwash me
But I’m gone
I’m moving
On

Try, my little daughter
Try, my little friend
Try with all your might
Make it to the end
Don’t stop when monsters creep
Don’t hide and hope they’ll sleep
Cause you don’t have much time
So go and search for the light

I must try
To find my light
I must fight
Day and night
I must leave
My old life behind
Soon I’ll be saying
Goodbye…

©2017 C.A. Barnes

I Am The Girl Who Now Can See

Rocks or Light

I Am The Girl Who Now Can See

I once was lost, but now I’m found
I was wandering, in a strange town
I didn’t know, which way to go
When I thought I was right
I was quickly told no

I was alone
In my cold world
Seeking joy and peace
Seeking purpose and me
And when the days passed more
I still saw no open doors
Who was I
I was only a lie

I once was sad, but now I’m glad
Glad I held on
To learn that I am strong
When failure clung, tightly to me
I didn’t fall down
I held my ground

I was ready to flee
From my old world
I needed to try
To set myself free
There was no time to waste
It was now getting late
I needed to try
I needed to try

I am the girl who now can see
I am the girl who now is free
I am the girl who now can see
I am the girl who now can see
I am the girl who now can see

©2016 C.A. Barnes

Break Free

Sketch Sky

Break Free

I’m gonna break free
Head out on my own journey
Where I can be me
I’m leaving it all behind
This old world that once caged me
Where I was surrounded by lies
Saying,
This is how things have to be

I already have
One food out of the door
As the days go by
I’m inching out more and more
There’s nothing I want
Here you see
It’s time to hit the road
It’s time to be free

I’m gonna break free
Head out on my own journey
Where I can stand
As I’m supposed to be
And leave behind a world
That sold me lies and
Tried to imprison me

They can’t get me now
I’m already out
My time is now mine
And I’ve realized
There’s nothing I want
Here you see
It’s time to hit the road
It’s time to be free

©2016 C.A. Barnes

I Am Brave

angel sketch

I Am Brave

I am brave
I stand tall
I have endured it
Endured it all
I’m not weak
Only strong
I’m not lost
I know where I belong

Cause I’ve listened
I have seen
All the promises
He has for me
In my dark days
When I was confused
In all the haze
I waited for the light
And it came
It shined
And I knew
Freedom was mine

I am brave
I took the chance
I stopped hesitating
It was time to dance
So I fought
The evils of old
No more time
That would be stoled

I’ve listened
Now I’m brave
I’ve seen
Myself along the way
Though I suffered
Suffered long
It didn’t make me weak
It didn’t break me down
It only made me strong

Thank you
This I say
Thank you
For everything
You made me brave
You’ve set me free
I’ve found me

© 2016 C.A. Barnes

So Cold

22

So Cold

There you are, standing
Over there, standing
Why are you serious
Why are you so serious all the time
What is your agenda
What is your goal
That you plan to seek, looking so bold

I wish you weren’t so cold
I wish you weren’t so cold

You look so stately, all in gold
Stately, all dressed in gold
Were you ever a prince
Were you once a king
Who marveled in wisdom
Who marveled in great things

I wish you weren’t so cold
I wish you weren’t so cold

There you are, all alone
Standing, all alone
No life around you, no one around
No life within you, just a mound
Of gold
Only dressed in gold
Just dressed in gold

I wish you weren’t so cold
I wish you weren’t so cold

© 2015 C.A. Barnes

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